Monday, March 22, 2010

Life Changes...

One year ago this very moment exactly one year ago my husband and I were sitting with our kids, his sister and her then boyfriend (Chris) in his house completely unsure of what to do in our state of shock.

Earlier that evening at my parents house for Sunday Supper, in the middle of my mom and I's weekly Scrabble game we got a phone call. Expecting it was my sister in law letting us know their uncle had finally passed away (had not been doing well for a long time and had recently had a nasty fall)...I think Brent assumed the same thing when he heard his sister on the other end. But his reaction said it all....the repetitive *WHAT?* as though he hadn't heard correctly - when really it was plain and simply that he didn't want it to be what he had heard. Never did it cross my mind that something had happened to his dad.

Two days after officially retiring and beginning what was going to be an awesome and relaxing summer filled with family and friends and loads of our Condo in the states (first trip there since buying into it)....just the second day there...riding his bike down the hill to meet everyone at the pool. My sister in law and mother in law were driving to the pool and came upon the fire truck only letting one car through at a time. Not only did she have the thought to stop *in case dad had been hit by a car* but she actually stopped and they checked (inspired). Seeing his shoes first, then his was clearly him. Not hit by a car, thank goodness....but a heart attack. Just 60 years old. A complete shock...complete....

And my husband's uncle, though that was not his time, did pass away later on in the year. And so 2009 brought two sisters into their new lives as widows. Thank goodness they have each other. But there were too many memories still left to, nothing was left unsaid or undone out of *putting off* but sometimes circumstances don't allow for things.....just 3 weeks before Brent was to graduate (this put a real kink in that and set him back a year), 6 weeks before my sister in law gave birth to her 3rd (and final) child, and a few months before my brother in law's wedding. Not to mention the countless other times since then that his presence has been sorely missed.

Life goes on. It  has to. But we miss him...and often we see or do things...the kids say or do something...and we can' t help but wish he was right here seeing it too. Sometimes loved ones are really taken much too early...and while I've seen a lot of young people die in my life - for the first time I have begun to really and deeply understand the finality of no longer having their constant presence. And let's be honest. It sucks.

Life changes...we do what we can. We miss, we love...we cherish...and we give even more to those around us because we know. we understand....we've been rudely awakened (even if we didn't need to be) to the reality that we just never know. And we are better people because we had him in our lives. But wish we could have had him a little bit longer - no, A LOT.

As my cousin would say, le sigh. And we move forward...

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